The greatest friend of truth is time,
her greatest enemy is prejudice,
and her constant companion is humility.
From the day that I was born my mom said it took a giant leap of faith to keep me. She said it was hard enough for her to be single in a world like this. Let alone raise a daughter.
“Amaya you know it’s difficult for me! Men think I’m a whore because I’m not with your father so they try to take advantage of me.” Whatever! They tried to take advantage of her because she lets them.
Yeah, I get it. Life sucked, and I fucked it all up for her. It’s not like she doesn’t tell me every day. She tells me I’m the worst thing that has ever happened to her. She even tells me that it’s my fault where we ended up living. How am I--a seventeen-year old girl-- responsible for where we
live? The last time I checked, I was the one who had no choice about who I lived with or what the hell I do. I also told her if she didn’t want me she shouldn’t have opened her legs. But she tells me she was in love with my father, and she doesn’t know why he left her. I have an idea--because she’s a lunatic with no heart. She even makes the tin man in the Wizard of Oz look like he was born with two hearts.
Even though my life might seem shitty to other people, I feel I was born with a purpose. It’s like what people are always preaching to you, “ God has a purpose for everything and everyone.” The only thing I have to figure out is what that purpose is.
My mother is all I have so there’s no going anywhere until I’m eighteen. Or if I find my father.
I’ve learned not to pity myself. Life will go on with or without me. Nobody likes a whiner. So I take life day by day, one step at a time. My life motto is ‘smile and the world smiles with you.’ Yeah--like I follow that. I don’t smile.
Today it’s cloudy, part of the atmosphere her in Suisun during the winter. My mom told me once that my dad was one of the few remaining Suisuni Indians from around this area. I have most the Native American features like the dark, long, and thick black straight hair, dark brown eyes with
flakes of green in them. My nose is like my mothers the only facial feature I got from her. I have fair skin and freckles from my mom side, the Irish side.
I wouldn’t say I was pretty or even slightly cute. I’m not even skinny or what people would consider. I’m a health size nine. When girls were just starting to develop their breast, I already had my curves. They would tease me call me fatso, chubby, or pork chop. The names never bothered me I would turn my back
and read the next chapter in Slammed by Colleen Hoover, She is my favorite author this year.
The day I stopped caring about what people said about me was the day I came home crying. When my mother seen me; she started yelling at me to stop being a pussy. I stopped caring, if your mother can act that way to you there’s no reason for others to care about you. I grew thicker skin that day,
just like when the Grinch’s heart grew three times the size it was. I learned people were mean, the world cruel, and there was no such place where everyone was nice, moms cared, and everyone was friends with everyone else. The modern day Utopia was a fairy tale, it didn’t exist.
Even though I never thought I would ever have a friend, and don’t get me wrong I didn’t care if I ever had a friend, I had my books. But school got easier when I made my one and only friends, Peyton. She lives in the house down the street, really cool chick, digs individuality. You wouldn’t
think it was possible to find a love child in this day and age, but that’s exactly what Peyton is. The reason we became friends was because I was sitting alone at lunch--the usual--and she came up to me and asked me if she could sit with me. She told me I look lonely. From that moment on I didn’t feel so
alone. Peyton’s mother became my stand in mother. Someone I could go to when I had problems at school or I didn’t understand my homework. She even went to one of my parent teacher meetings. She told Mr. Vasbinder that my mother asked her to stand in for her today, because she couldn’t make it.
Well anyways--the only reason I’m writing in this stupid shit is because my shrink told me this was a healthy way to vent my anger. I guess
they think I have too much anger locked up. By the way, they think I’m going to blow up one day and shoot everyone at my school. I am not a psycho. I have things that I want to do in the future, things that involve getting the hell out of here.
Well anyways I got to go Peyton is on her way over here. I don’t want her to ask me what this dumb ass book is. Till next time. Choke on your xoxo’s
“Hey Mya, what are you doing today after school?” She sat down on the opposite side of the table.
“You know I have to take notes for the test we’re going to have. And I have to do hella math homework.” The only reason she asked is because she wants to go shopping after school, which I have no money for.
“Well Mike’s having a party tonight and I thought we could go get some hot, slutty outfits and go out. By the way, it is Friday and you study all the fucking time. Don’t you ever think about having fun? And check this out, Mike tells me his friend Brad likes you.” She smiled at me like she won.
“What kind of name is Brad? I mean, let me guess, he’s on the football team and the soccer team. The only thing dear old Brad wants from me is a quick fuck out back by the shed.” There wasn’t even shock on her face. She knew I hit the nail on the head.
“So what? Everyone needs to get laid now and then. And you have no idea how good it feels. I mean you’re going to thank me.” She started to open her teddy grams. The cocky smile never left her face, ever.
“I don’t need boy drama right now, and I sure as hell don’t need a fucking kid. I’ll go if you’ll leave me alone, but Brad better leave me the hell alone or I’ll take his balls home with me. One thing, you’re going to study with me this weekend, too. Its study or nothing.” I got her now.
“Are you going to eat something? I can go get you something if you like, I mean with all the studying you’re doing you need brain food.” She was getting up to go get me something, but I stopped her. “No I’m good. I ate an apple.”
“With how little you eat, you sure are voluptuous. Seriously I would kill for your body. I eat and eat, but I stay stick thin. Let me tell you men don’t like skinny women, they like things they can hold on to.” She laughed.
“Well, now I gotta go. Schools out early today if you didn’t know. I have to go get the wicked witch of Suisun something.” I rolled my eyes as I was standing.
“What does your bitch mother want from you now, a liver, because she drinks too much?” She stood up with me as I started to walk to the exit.
“I’ll go with you, if, you leave me alone about the parental unit. Pick me up at six, aight?” She took a left turn and I went right. I didn’t
have a car, and I wouldn’t be caught dead on the short yellow bus, so me and my dodge feet walk the three miles home. It’s not a big deal. It gives me time to think about if I could change things in my life. If I could, I would run away. I would try to find my father, the one my mother keeps telling me left us.
I know in my heart it was her.
It doesn’t take me that long to get there when I think to myself. Other people would talk to themselves but I’ve never been one of those people. I get lost in my mind; there are things in there worse than any skeletons in other peoples closets.
Before I knew it, I was home staring at my paint peeling, metal rusting trailer. Another thing I would change would be where I lived. I never lived in a house, I never had a dog, and I want a big dog something like the dog in Sandlot. There are a lot of things I haven’t had in my life, but there
are things I’m going to give my kids if I ever have any.
I walked into the trailer dreading what I would see. There was nothing there. I expected to see my mother drunk on the couch with an empty bottle of Jack Daniels falling out of her hands. The only thing wrong with the house was it was messed up, but that’s an everyday occurrence. I debated if I
wanted to clean or get started on my homework.
In the end, cleaning won.
I had two hours till Peyton was going to come and pick me up. Good thing I didn’t have to turn my homework in until the Monday.
I don’t understand why she couldn’t just clean her mess after she was done using something. There was something wrong with someone’s kid being more mature then there parent.
* * *
After cleaning the whole house, I got ready and waited for Peyton to come and pick me up. When she knocked on the door, she was an hour late. Peyton is usually on time. But she is my best friend so I had to make an exception.
“Didn’t you tell me you would be here at six? It almost seven thirty now.” I held the door open for her.
“Yeah I told you that, but when am I,” she pointed to herself like I didn’t get what she was talking about. “Ever on time? I thought you knew me better than that.” She had a hurt look on her face until she walked in and seen that I had cleaned the mess the hag had left me. “What did I tell you? Didn’t I tell you not to clean this fucking house anymore?” She was really mad.
“It’s not like I can leave it. I have to live and eat here too.” I grabbed my chap stick and money and stuck in all in my pocket. I'm not the type to carry a purse.
“Let’s go. I don’t want to be here if I don’t have to be.” I turned off all the lights and checked if there was anything left on. “This party better be worth it or I’m going to be mad.” I laughed.
On the way to the party we listened to Peyton’s favorites Bob Marley, Steele Pulse, and Paramore. Yeah, I know she has the weirdest mixed CD. She is also the craziest driver I know, so Her CD's and her driving match. When we got to the house that the party was at, it sounded like they were having the party on the front lawn, the music was deafening. I was surprised the cops hadn't been called. I never liked going to social events they were not my thing, but I also hated staying at home, waiting for my mom to stumble in at five in the morning. Being with Peyton was my escape.
We got out of the car and walked to the front door. I doubt anyone could hear us over the music anyway so maybe I’d get out of this after all. Nope, wasn’t as lucky as I thought I was going to be. A very tall, and very drunk boy answered the door, laughing over his shoulder at something someone
had said, or maybe he was laughing because of the liquor in his system. I didn’t know.
“Welcome to the party ladies! May I just say you guys are freakin’……hotttttt?” He slurred every ending of every word.
“Ewww, as if we want to talk to your drunk ass, Kennedy.” Peyton elbowed her way through him and the door like a bull dozer almost knocking him over. “This is exactly why I don’t do these types of parties. Do you remember when Jake threw up all over my shoes?” I stared at her waiting, for her to
reply. “Well do you?”
"Yes, yes I do Mya. I remember you running out because everyone was laughing at you, and I also remember me giving Vicki Johnson a nose bleed. Haven’t you learned anything? I have your back no matter what. I love you like a sister-- hell I love you more than my sister.” She laughed. I knew that everything she
was telling me was true. She would never abandon me.
“Lets get this over with, and I'm telling you now, Pey, I will not talk to Brian.”
“You mean Brad,” She corrected. “What does it matter Blake, Brad?” We both started cracking up.
There were so many people there, you had to squeeze through small openings in the crowd. And I don’t want to even talk about the sweat. Ugh. I think my arm ran into some jocks underarm. Peyton started walking to the kitchen and then I lost sight of her. I tried to make my way in the direction I seen her slink
away to. Before I got to the kitchen a big, sweaty, gross hand clasped onto my shoulder.
It spun me around. “Hey!” said the guy with the beer breath. “Don’t I know you from school?" blowing the smell of sour beer and cigarettes into my face.
"I think you're in my math class. Damn--how come I never noticed you?" Gag.
“Ummm.....no I don’t know who you are. Can you let me go—you’re hurting me.”
“Where are you off to? I think we have more to talk about,” he said as he started dragging me in the direction of the stairs where the couples go when they want a little more privacy. I was struggling against him, trying to get away, his iron clad grip never loosening. I had been through too much in my life to
let some jerk haul me off thinking he was gonna get lucky. So I grabbed the front of his shirt for leverage--bringing my knee as hard as I could into his unguarded stomach.
“When I tell you no, I mean no, you douche! Have you ever heard of asking a girl out? Or talking to her first? Do I look like one of the easy skanks you run through? I am not like that!" I scream. "And if you ever touch me again, you will get a lot more than a stomachache.” I walked away, pissed and beyond all
reason. How dare he think getting laid would ever be that easy. Does it look like cavemen are still roaming around hitting chicks in the head with wooden objects?
Peyton came up to me with a shocked look on her face. “What. The. Hell. Happened?”
“The douche on the floor," I pointed, "grabbed my arm and was trying to pull me up stairs; so I laid his ass out. Please tell me what girl in her right mind would like that shit and be willing go?" There was no way in hell I was staying now. I was leaving with or without Peyton. Which meant I was walking home.
“I’m leaving. I know you want to stay so I’ll walk. It’s not far.” She was about to tell me that she was going to go home with me, so I didn’t have to go back to my house, but I knew she wanted to stay. She has been talking about this party for a while now. I left before she could get a word in. I pushed
myself through the growing crowd, yeah--I know the crowd was still getting bigger. And made my way to the front door, I swung it open and gasped as the fresh crisp air enveloped me in an affectionate embrace. The night air had grown chilly, but the breeze was still calm. I began to walk the short distance to the
all night diner around the corner. The thought of going home and dealing with my mother made my stomach turn upside down.
There was hardly anyone out tonight, I assume they were home with their loving families or out partying on this lovely Saturday night. While I was heading to a diner to eat my dinner alone, was I as pathetic as I felt. Did people look at me the way I looked at myself? These are questions I should
be asking me shrink. Most of my anger was hidden in a shell. Well--at least this is what they keep telling me. I feel my anger, unlike what the good Dr. thinks I feel all the hatred I hold so close to my heart for my mother. The question I ask all the time is: What does he think I can do about it? Again, his
idea with the stupid ass journal. I think this diary is going to drive me bat-shit-crazy and make me pull my hair out of my head.
I finally reach the diner and I reluctantly pull the door open and look around. Yes! It isn’t busy at all. I didn’t like waiting for my food to get out here. When I was hungry, I was hungry. I wasn’t one of the girls from my high school who acted as if an apple was a good lunch. I ate when I could
afford it. I sat there with my menu thinking about what I was going to order, something cheap. I didn’t have a lot of money. When the waitress came up and asked me what I would like, I settled for a short stack and a side of bacon. My poor arteries. Waiting for my food I decided to write in my journal about my
rant on the way to the diner, so tomorrow’s entry will be over with.
While writing I had a feeling as if someone was looking over my shoulder. I looked up and saw no one at first, so I continued to write. But the feeling didn't go away so I looked up again, but this time I looked over my shoulder, scanning the diner slowly. That’s when I notice the man in the
corner. He had on a hoodie. No not a man—well he had to be like three or four years older then I am myself. I was confused because the hoodie hid all his features. I could tell without a doubt he had a nice toned body, but nothing over the top. He had the surfer boy haircut. And from what I could see of it, it
was black; almost blue when the light hit it. He was staring at me with a weird look on his face. It felt as if holes were burning into the back of my neck. My cheeks heated and I felt the color rim my cheek bones.
I’m not sure why he’s staring, guys never pay attention to me. Ok--I'm lying, just not the best kind of attention. He was still staring at me when I turned around. I still felt his eyes on my back when my food got there. I tried to eat it as fast as I could. He wasn’t creepy. The looks he was giving me just made
me feel so naked. Leaving the money on the table with a generous tip, I rushed out of the diner almost running across the street as if someone was chasing me. In my haste I forgot to look both ways and out of nowhere a car came, speeding straight towards me. The only thing I had time to do was cover my eyes
before the car hit me.
Blackness surrounded me, completely immersing me in its cold, lifeless arms. There was nothing I could see; there was only complete darkness. I didn’t even have to think about what, or why I was there. Something in the back of my mind kept telling me to wake up. I heard crying. A lot of crying. The
voice kept saying my name over and over again. I wanted to stay here in the darkness, wasting time where nothing seemed to matter but the calming feeling of weightlessness. Then all of a sudden I heard a different voice in my mind. This voice wasn’t distant it was right by me, right next to my ear actually.
“Amaya, you have to follow my voice, and do as I tell you! You think you can so this?” a deep creamy voice said.
“But who are you?”
“There will be more time to talk about this later,” he lightly scolded.
“Ummm……whatever you say.” I would do anything the voice asked. As long as it would let me get back into the peacefulness that once surrounded me.
“You are not where you’re supposed to be, you have to get out of deaths grip. There is a small pin point of light I want you to call to you. All you have to do is concentrate on it, and it will move toward you. Can you do this?” he asked
“Of course, I can,” I snapped. I really wanted to stay in this void that caressed me like I was its lifelong lover. But I knew I had to go. All of these thoughts rushed back to me at once. Peyton would be devastated, my mother who I doubt was even worried, would be doing what she always had. Probably
rejoicing and dancing around, happy I'm gone not caring and forgetting she had a daughter at all.
I did as he told me to. I concentrated on the small prick of light in the distance. I thought of it rapping around me, surrounding me in its warmth. The heat kissing my skin like on a sunny summer day. All of a sudden the light rushed at me in alarming speed.
The last thing I remember before I woke up was his creamy voice in my ear.
“I knew you could do it. Such a strong and beautiful women.” I could tell the voice was smiling. Was he God? The question came too late.
There was no more time to ask. I had just awoke from my coma.
CHAPTER ONE END!
The Forgotten Princess due to be release in 2013!